Le latin brave l’honnêteté.
Gustave Flaubert, Dictionnaire des idées reçues.

Unfortunately I have no loom. They don’t sell pocket looms in general stores. Looms to weave eels. Or snakes. Or both. Warp and woof! I don’t mean eels in oil. Nor snakes in liquor. I mean alive. Both of them.

If I had a loom, I‘d like to weave a carpet. A gliding one. A sliding and moving carpet. Woven with eels and snakes. For Scorpios are hard to weave. They don’t agree. Eels and snakes too.

Eels, I said... I did? I really said eels? What a pity. This was a mistake. I meant morav eels. For piranhas are not long enough, I presume. And I don’t speak Spanish.

Latin sometimes. With my wife during intercourse. Churchy, isn’t it? Because Latin is a real good tongue to be crude, as Gustave Flaubert said. Obscene and coarse. Vulgar. And she answers.

Who answers? My wife, indeed! In Latin too. The neighbours are so sad: they don’t understand our yells and shouts. And we laugh! Don’t we? And whisper afterwards. Really!

Eels, morav eels, Scorpios... Heinz doesn’t cook those animals in preserves... neither piranhas in oil, nor snakes. But it happens sometimes that men put snakes in alcohol, as I mentioned upper. Snakes, not piranhas.

My father in law is small as a buffalo chip... or a bullshit. A trodden on dried one. With big shoes worn by a stout guy. A fast-drinking beer one and meat swallower, chewing raw rind as well.

And eating horse’s steacks burgers: horse meat between two horseshoes with needle sauce and steel onions. Yes, a really stout and heavy man. To obtain really flat trodden on mashed bullshit .Looking like my father in law. But the eyes. Both of them. Black as very old dark motor oil.

Yes, my father in law is small, shaded by daisies. And the morav eels and snakes made carpet would be a net. A fishnet.

When he's caught in the net, what will I do? Plunge him in oil or in alcohol? Both is too much. I need a verry flat bottle. Uneasy life,is’n’it? Choices are hard to make.

No other man in the world tries to cach a bullshit with that kind of net. So, I’d really be proud to be the only one. And my wife would be proud too. She hates her father. It is a good way to love oneself. And me.Yes, we should be proud. But,unfortunately, I have no loom.